whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
