Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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