I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
