I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
