he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
