from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
