While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
