You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
