If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
