Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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