New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Your penis caused this!
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