chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I faked an abortion last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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