I'm eating all of the evidence.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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