No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
