i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
