Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
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so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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