Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
