these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
