What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
