Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
