I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
