So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
