The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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