It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
