If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
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I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
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Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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