he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
True strength comes from lack of pants
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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