Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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