What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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