She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
