saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
