okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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