his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
