Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
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Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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