here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
