so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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