Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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