I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
bring money and cleavage
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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