Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
