$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
