I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
