The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
