Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am midnight drunk by noon
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
