I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
