i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My feet surprised me
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