I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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