It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
