the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
