I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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