I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
