Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
