I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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