I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
