I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
