The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
