there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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