do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Randomize
