dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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