there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
