I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
