I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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