shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
