help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
