I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
nutella sex= disaster
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
