Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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