I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
