I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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