I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
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