the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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