So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
