So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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